My immune system is weak, I have already had two colds this fall. My legs ached, like Lev's did the night before he died, but I survived. His symptoms were more minor than mine, it is frustrating that we had no way of knowing, Even though there was nothing we could have done once the symptoms arrived, at least if we had been able to say goodbye it would have been nice. I suppose it wouldn't help in the long run.
I am feeling better today. Mike and Inga, and everyone we have visited, have been fabulous hosts, and it has been really nice to connect with friends we have not seen in a while, to just chat, and to talk about Lev. It has been good to see Jaal and Zay having a good time. I want them to see a future for themselves and traveling opens up new ideas.
It is hard when we do things that Lev would have loved, but nothing is hard as just being home.
I have teared up a plenty, but not had a good sob since we left home. I''m not sure if that's good or bad, but it is what it is. Distraction is a bit of a relief.
I do not look forward to starting a new year without Lev, but life goes on. We are fortunate to have close family and friends. And it has been great to spend lots of time with Jaal these last few weeks.
Sometimes I wonder why I blog, and if I will continue, but I think it helps me to get my thoughts down, and why not share them? It brings us all closer.
I'm off to take a Tylenol and do a boat tour of Amsterdam canals. At least I feel up to doing something today and Amsterdam seems like a great, throbbing city.
They are really into fireworks here, and David is looking forward to blowing up some of his toy cars and things.
Rebecca
