Hole inside

It feels like there is still this big hole inside of me that I keep trying to patch over. It seems like the three of us do this, by distracting ourselves, with activities, music, pets, etc. but the hole remains. Lia fills a bunch of the hole but it is still there. It hurts to much sometimes to acknowledge the reality.
It is strong now. I can't believe it has been two years. Monday we have some people coming over, including some of Lev's friends. I miss him as much as ever.
I love being with Lia and Jaal but it doesn't fill the mothering hole.

Rebecca

July 4th parade

There will be a memorial parade at the Sedro Woolley parade this year for all the kids that have died in the past few years. There have been three this year- a suicide and two drownings.
Lev's picture will be on the float. Seeing his birth and death date is always shocking.