I hate it when the months change. Time goes on without Lev, which seems both unfair and impossible.
Several nights each week I think I won't go to work the next day. But then I get up and go anyway. I'm very functional when I'm there but it is sometimes hard to repress my emotions all day.
I wonder if I should stop working and just spend time with my feelings. I don't know if it would be any better for me. Then I realize that there is no solution, no fix, and I may as well go to work if I can. It is very distracting and things are going well at school.
I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life, though. Before, I wanted to continue as an elementary principal, but I'm not sure for now. I think I'd like to have a baby to fill the emptiness, but it won't bring Lev back. I wish we could clone him.
We will see what the future brings. I hate the future without Lev.
I found his knife sharpener today. He loved sharpening knives. Now all our knives will be dull.
