Random incoherent thoughts

meeting new people, it's so anxiety producing and awkward.
when to tell them in the conversation?
figuring out the timing before they ask about kids
how to continue with small talk after that?
they leave quickly as if it were contagious

Lev's computer
I can't seem to look in it
I want to but can't make myself do it
I have waited months, trying
maybe tomorrow

doing nothing
I like it
just being alone with the sad cloud around
doing nothing
just being

4 flowers

I have four flowers in a vase next to a picture of Lev.
One of the flowers died. It was drooping when I got it and I was hoping it would revive.
Four flowers and one is dead.
The other three go on, as if everything is okay in the vase.

It broke my heart.
I couldn't stop crying just looking at it.