Still waiting

When Lev went to school is when I would get into work mode. Around 2:30 he would often call me, and I would walk out to meet him. I would make him a snack when he got home. We might go throw the football around. Then I was in daddy mode. Later he would go up and call Zay and I would go back to work for a while more.

Since he died, I am stuck in non-daddy mode, waiting for him to come home.

Get over it

Something I hear more and more a year after Lev died: Get over it, move on with your life. I know these people mean well, that they want us to be happy. But if I had lost both of my arms, no one would tell me to get over it. That is how I feel, like an emotional amputee. I can't just pick up all the pieces and act like nothing happened. I am deeply damaged, and that is how I will always be. I must now seek new paths, new sources of nourishment for the soul.

My neighbor's dog died today

My neighbor's dog died (in Sedro) last night, and when I heard about it today I was a lot more sad about it than I would have thought I would be. Huh.