Compassionate friends group

We went to a new grief group in the our area, Compassionate Friends.
I thought it might have some younger parents and I thought we might be the old timers now that it has been a year. At the group in Skagit it was all people in the first three years, with a counselor facilitator. This group is facilitated by a lead parent.
We were the youngest, by decades. It was interesting to share with people who are 18, 8, and 5 years out. Most with teen losses, but some older. I really felt compassion for one woman who lost three young children in a fire in the fifties and then one recently.

We have a truly shared understanding of each other's loss, and the emotions and difficult decisions to follow, such as when and how to pack up their things and how to move ahead in your life.
Some change their name or their job, get a tattoo, wear their clothes, wear a button with their son's face.

Eighteen years later and finally feeling happy; eight years no change; to us- well, it's been so recent for you.

I met a woman in her seventies who lost her fifty year old less than a year ago and we really connected. We'll get together outside of group, I think. It's interesting how this loss removes other barriers of understanding and all of a sudden this stranger can see into your soul more than most.

Rebecca

meeting new people

I get so stressed at social gatherings with new people, like parties. Maybe I should just avoid them for a long while.

When meeting new people there is the a point in the conversation when someone asks you if you have kids. I experience anxiety leading up to that moment. I can usually tell when it's coming, so I have tried heading it off by bringing it up myself, or when it does come up thank them for asking so they don't feel awkward. Neither method works. Most people feel so awkward afterwards that they leave the conversation shortly thereafter. The rare person has something kind and insightful to say, but it is just too personal of a topic to really get into with a stranger at a party. I don't really see a good solution.

I have tried avoiding the topic or leaving the conversation if it's heading in that direction. At grief group everyone agreed how hard it was to meet new people but no one had an answer. One person tried lying, saying he was the age he would be, in college, etc. But it didn't work out that well as they asked his major and other details.

At the last party I thought i was doing well but ended up crying in the bathroom and making a quick departure with an elevated heart rate and total stress response.

So, I think I'll hang out with old friends for a while.

Rebecca