There are books on having a child after a baby dies of SIDS, but I couldn't find anything about having a baby after an older child dies.
It's not that common in our culture, I suppose, especially with people having babies later in their lives. Most educated people in our culture that might write books don't have babies when they are young enough to have another baby after a teenager dies.
Then I thought about all those families in Connecticut whose first grader's died, and surely some of them will have other kids.
So, I was thinking about all the things that I would have liked to have read about, or heard someone else's perspective on and I made a list.
I may continue to write about it and start a new blog, or maybe I won't because it's depressing and I have limited time to write, but in case I lose the list, I'll put it below and at least preserve the thoughts.
Life 2.0 Having a Baby After the Death of a Child
Chapter/Blog Ideas
Our story
Our tragedy
Our decision to have a baby and process
Decision-making, moving forward
Expectations, hopes and fears
Living a nightmare
Searching for reasons to live
Pregnancy and Grieving. The difference between depression and grief
Physical differences - science
meditation and yoga
grieving mindfully
Psychologist insert
Recognize the grief instead of being swallowed by it
Dealing with Depression
Natural health support (walking, fresh air, etc)
Seeking professional support
Distraction versus acceptance
Medication, natural remedies
"Passive" suicidal urges - Are we just biding time until life is over?
What is normal?
Pregnancy is public
Answering the damn, "Is this your first child?" question
Looking happy, being sad
Stupid things people say, "Are you enjoying your empty nest? ... At least you have another."
Support networks
Compassionate Friends/Hospital programs
New parent groups
Classes, pre-natal yoga, baby groups
Be a joiner
Family/Grandparents
Religious support networks and beliefs (include writing from someone that believes in reuniting after death, in reincarnation, in fate)
Dealing with Fear
Fear of Liana's death - the rash
When Liana gets sick
Preserving Your Marriage
(counselor insert)
Being on the same page
Preserving intimacy
Setting Priorities
Communicating
Emotion Coaching
Siblings
(Guest writers/anecdotes)
Siblings at different ages
Welcoming the baby, inclusion in decisions, new memories, blended family
Friends
Making new friends, through grief or the new baby
Keeping old friends
Losing old friends, letting go
Setting priorities, creating a balance
Holidays and Family
New traditions
Your decision, saying no
Family photos
Creating tributes
Their belongings
Crafts, Books, Poetry
Memorials or grave sites
Tattoos, jewelry
Related organizations (run for leukemia, MADD, etc)
Blogs, multi-media outlets
Milestones
Looking for Lev in Liana
Lev's friends getting older, being seniors
Explaining Lev to Liana
Their death date
Losing a child at any age, in any way
(Guest writers/anecdotes)
Teenagers, Baby, At Birth
As an adult with kids, Adult without kids
Losing a child suddenly vs. illness vs. violent death
(realization that it's all equally awful)
Memories
Looking for signs - the heart string
Preserving good, new memories
Working though traumatic memories
Grief and Child Rearing
Embracing Happiness, keeping busy
Circling back to anger, frustration, guilt, fear and pining
Perspective
Resilience
This is life 2.0
It has bugs, and needs to continue to be re-written and improved but it progresses whether you asked for it, whether you like the new design or not.
