holding hands in a dream

Last night I dreamed that Jaal, Lev and I were walking along a path with steps around a waterfront. We were avoiding crowds from a festival and taking a round about way to get where we were going. Jaal was around 7, and in the lead, then I was walking, slowly since I was pregnant, and Lev was behind. Lev was around 4 years old. I waited for him, and we continued down the stairs and through walkways holding hands.

I woke up with the feeling of holding hands with Lev and just tried to hold on to the feeling, since it made me happy. He was holding my left hand, and it literally warmed my heart to lay there, holding on to the feeling, while the baby kicked in my belly.

Then, as always my mind wandered, to the last time Lev held my hand. He clutched my right hand so hard I was bruised for days. It was the beginning of his seizures, before I understood what was happening. He held on, his last desperate grasp to the world he was leaving behind. I didn't understand it at the moment, but I let him grab my hand even though it hurt. I can feel the bruise today.