I volunteered to be newsletter editor for our local Compassionate Friends chapter. I thought it would be a good way to stay involved after having the baby, when the monthly meetings might not work out for a while. In preparing for the first newsletter, I was reviewing articles and entries from other chapters, looking for things to add to our newsletter and I found one from a sibling's perspective that I found meaningful. It is below. I realize it has also been about 5 years since my step-sister Chrystal died, and although it seems so different since we were both adults and had grown a bit distant I do find I think about her and her family a lot.
My First Five Years as an Only Child
I've been without my brother for five years. I guess the hard part is over now. Sometimes
I think I have aged 30 years in the past five. In a strange way, these past five years have been
the best and worst years of my life. I have accomplished the many things of a typical young adult learning
to drive, graduating from high school, going to college, and starting a career.
Every one of my accomplishments has been clouded by the fact that my brother George is not
here to share each milestone, and is not achieving any more milestones for himself. He was
cheated of so many things. He will never graduate, get married, have children or travel. He will
never grow old, and I will never have a brother to grow old with. I'll never have nieces and
nephews. The sibling relationship, usually the longest relationship of one's life, has been cut
short for us. In these five years, although I have learned to accept that he is not coming back,
the difficult part is dealing with it day by day.
My relationship with George ended just when we started to become friends. The childish
fights and other annoyances of having a big brother were changing to real conversations and to
having an occasional ally. I am angry about all the things that we have missed and all the things
that will never be, and I guess I always will be. Five years heals a lot of wounds, but the hurt will
always be there, no matter how many years pass. In these past five years, I have been forced to
grow up too fast. I have been forced into a new outlook on life. I have felt lonely and alone. I now
realize that I will never be the same person as before. Maybe I am a better person because
of what I have been through. Five years ago I never thought I would survive, but I am still here
dealing with it every day. I don't know what the next five years will bring, but at least I have
made it this far.
Kristin Steiner
TCF Staten Island, NY
In Memory of my brother, George
