A few days ago, we went up to the CEC and visited Lev's memorial. Thanks to the many friends and relatives who donated to
the plant a tree program and to the Cloud Forest School memorial; it was a spot that Lev would have appreciated. He was very proud of the trees that he planted near the forest, and loved hiking the trails.
We gathered at the colegio, looked at some photos and talked about Lev's time in Monteverde. Then we walked a muddy 15 minutes up to the Lev's memorial spot with friends, with a small poisonous viper in the trail on our way up. Jean, Amy, Brandon, Milton, Cristina, Melody, Esperanza, Jim, Murtha, Jackson, Maribel, Gloria, Susana, and classmates of Lev's as well as some others from the school joined us the gathering or in the walk and in sharing more thoughts of Lev and how much he enjoyed it there. The spot is near the Palacio de los Monos, and has a special fruiting tree planted near the sign. After sharing thoughts, Tony, Jaal and I stayed and had a moment, wishing Lev were really there with us, and spread some of his ashes around the tree. It does feel like a special place, but it definitely makes Lev's being gone more real. (It's hard to keep up your emotional defenses when dealing with a memorial and ashes, but that was good.) Some part of me was really hoping Lev himself would be here, although I know very well he wouldn't. I just had to come, and go to the school, see his memorial, and connect with friends here who knew and appreciated Lev.
In the days that have followed we have seen lots of friends and community members that knew us well as a family and some who knew Lev really well, too. We've seen lots of kids who have grown up, Jaal and Lev's classmates. It was nice that we had good news to share, my being over 4 months pregnant, with a girl. But, it has been hard to see friends for the first time since Lev died. Tears shed, or tears held back, but difficult for sure.
We knew it would be hard, and hard isn't bad, it just keeps the emotions right on the surface. Seeing kids Lev's age grow older may be the most difficult reality check for me. It just digs the knife a bit deeper into my heart. I keep wanting to solve our problem, but it is unsolvable.
It has been good to connect with people who also miss Lev and who want to talk about him. We have done lots of walking, and had some time to reflect. Monteverde is a place where Lev belongs and it's awful to be here without him, to do things that he will never do again, but it also brings back lots of good memories.
We are reminded of what a great time he had here. He so loved the forest, playing with sticks, climbing trees, chopping things, and walking outside in the dark. He loved bananas, fried plantains, going to the dairy for ice cream, gallo pinto (without much onion), and batidos with milk and fruit. Ages 6-10 just seemed a great time to be here. The world was open to him, he was free to explore and be himself. He was silly and crazy and creative and it worked for him here.
Coming up the mountain felt time coming home, a blanket of green with fresh air, bumpy roads, people you know everywhere. Then it rained hard for the next 36 hours and our bed smelled of mildew...
Today, after a sunny hike in the Monteverde reserve, was the Christmas cookie thingy at the Friend's School (Wassail), which was a great way to see people, but after 10-15 emotional hellos I feel a bit exhausted. It is just nice to know that there are lots of people out there that remember Lev, and our family, and are thinking of us and him, and appreciating the life they have with their children as they grow up.
We have a few more days here and then we have a few days at the beach (Brasilito, Playa Conchal and Playa Grande) before heading back.
Today we walk down to San Luis to visit Amy, Karen, and Milton. It's windy, with bits of sun, around 75F.
Jaal and Melinda seem to be having a great time. They have gathered a list of 42 birds they have seen- lizards, plants, mammals, spiders, etc. as well.
Below are some more pictures from Lev's memorial spot.
