We requested that they send the slides of the brain tissue to the CDC, Centers for Disease Control, since the initial autopsy never identified the "agent". We got a letter from the Canadian CDC, amending the autopsy, identifying the bacteria as Neisseria meningitidis.
This doesn't really change anything from the initial findings. Apparently there are 12 strands within the neisseria, four of which are included in the common vaccine. The vaccine was only recommended before college, or in children with their spleens removed. Some doctors now recommend it upon entering high school, or pre-teen, but they see finding that it wears off after 3-5 years, so now they recommend a booster if you get it early, and it does have some cases of nasty side effects. So, I realize that even if it is a strand that could have been vaccinated for, we would not have vaccinated Lev earlier than recommended by his doctors. So, that issue hasn't changed based on the new finding.
We thought it was a one in a million chance of dying of this, and that is confirmed. Out of the 100,000 people that get it in the US, only ten percent die, so it is one in a million, and the vast majority of those are sixteen-twenty-two, so it's actually lower chances for Lev. So, Lev's extreme unluckiness has not changed with the new findings.
I'm not sure of the incubation period, but 5-15% of us carry this bacteria in our nose and never get sick. He probably shared a drink with someone, or one of us did, and passed it through spittle a week or so before. Why he died from it, we will never know. Maybe he had some sort of weakness that was never identified. He did get really sick a few years prior, but other than that he rarely got sick, and the autopsy showed that all his organs looked healthy. So, this is what we thought before, we will not have the answer to the why him question.
It just brings it home again, like rubbing sandpaper on a wound, tearing off any little scab that had formed.
Yesterday I was pretty damn sad. All we have left of Lev are belongings he will never use, photos to make us lust for those better days, memories clouded over by grief, and stupid letters in our mailbox confirming our reality from the CDC.
Yesterday I was done, spent, depleted. Today I a am bitter. I decided not to go to work. I hate those who live without such pain. I'm sure in a few hours I'll be sad again instead of angry, but for now I have that aching in my gut, filled with rage and longing.
I think I'll chop wood and then bury myself in Lev's scrapbook to let the grief flow. I'd rather be sad than bitter, the bitterness eats at my soul.
Soon enough I will have to shut down my feelings again so I can go to work and get on with the daily stuff.
-sent to: www.life-without-lev.blogspot.com
