Somehow, maybe

The human brain is a strange thing. I saw Lev die, yet I keep thinking that somehow I will see him again, in this house, in this world; that maybe he will be coming back soon. There is apparently a part of my brain that cannot accept or understand his death. When someone is a part of your life for 15 years, you expect their presence, they are part of the fabric of your existence. Perhaps it just takes time to assimilate the horrible fact that he is gone forever. Or maybe the pain of knowing for sure is more than I can bear. It seems ridiculous to me, it is so frustrating, that I keep hoping to see him again, but there is no way to stop myself. I have no choice to relent. Maybe my brain knows best.