But, celebrating without Lev is definitely not a celebration.
It is just a stark reminder that a member of our family is missing.
Today I had an appointment in Bellingham and we stopped by the park (Cornwall) where Lev went boffing (foam wars) every weekend. I had a really good cry, and we walked around, remembering all the good memories there. He loved going, dressing in a ripped sweatshirt, running around hitting people not in his clan with his foam sword. He really had a great life, but somehow that knowledge doesn't help me much. I just want more. Life feels so empty without him, and he deserved so much more.
Every night I wish I would dream of Lev, but I have not for a while.
Rubbing Jaal''s head is the closest I can get to Lev. I love his hair.
Perhaps I am losing my mind.
Or maybe Tony is.
Tony still thinks there is a small percentage chance that we are in a nightmare and maybe we will wake up and everything will be okay.
Maybe he is right, but unfortunately I don't think so.
Rebecca
