I had a powerful dream last night. It was one of those dreams that made sense while you were having it, but when you wake up you cannot put it all together. But one part stands out; I was sitting in the front of the car and Lev was in the back. He had his hands on my shoulders, leaning hard on me. He was asleep. I understood that he would never wake up, but that I would always feel his weight on me.
I thought about this image. When you are with both kids, you naturally divide your attention between them, making sure they both get a fair share. This is especially true when they were both in the back of the car. It may sound odd, but I realized that nowadays we are "ignoring" Lev by not speaking with him, that he can never get our attention again. This deeply sad thought took my breath away.
