Yesterday, in an attempt to torture myself more, I got my phone and looked for text messages from Lev. They went back through June. His last message to me was about picking him up from the Carnival on July 3rd. Others were about talking to his cooking teacher about his grades, and his failed fondue lesson. More about dinner, and picking him up from school. They represented parenting and our life together. Hard to swallow.
Then, I noticed at the top of the screen, it said "load more messages." I clicked it and waited. Through April. "load more messages" and through February, and it kept going until last August when I got the phone. We didn't text that often, but each one is precious to me. It brings back memories of the little things that I would have forgotten. Mostly food and picking him up after school. Jaal found a way to get them off my phone and into one document. So, I'll add them to my journal one day, and maybe explain what they mean to me, as some of them are just bits of a larger conversation we were having. But, they clearly show love.
Tony looked at his, too. He clears out his messages, so he only had through May. He was not happy about that. But, even the little ones he had showed the love of parenting and the emptiness that now follows.
