Sometimes I feel okay. I am cleaning the freezer out, installing the dishwasher, packing my office, etc. I am busy, in the moment. Then I see Lev's Cascade Kodiaks pin from his middle school. Next I find the letter opening and pocket knife set we never gave him for his birthday. On my desk are the father's day pictures he made me. And then I remember: my life sucks.
Lev was such a bright force in the universe, so alive, I just cannot keep it in my head that is he gone. We spent 15 years together on this earth, I got used to having him around. It might take another 15 to get un-used to it. And that would be okay.
