Here are some of the things I've never gotten around to writing.
Damn holidays.
I was considering writing about Halloween, about being back in Seattle for family gatherings but I haven't had the time or emotional fortitude to do so while also traveling solo with Liana.
But let me just say this: Lev loved any reason to celebrate and be silly. Lev loved dressing up any time of the year. So Halloween was a family favorite. We spent most of his with our friends John and Jeana - even two of them while we were in Costa Rica. It was heart warming to spend another Halloween dinner with John and Jeana. Lev wasn't here, but neither was Lucas, Roz, Jaal or Tony so that's okay. My dad was here along with little Liana. And Liana's cousin Kepler, Ariel, John and Sue Ellen. Liana's reality of happy, fun Halloween has begun, without understanding this push and pull in my heart. Emotions are layered and complex for me but not for her.
Being back in Seattle with so many people that knew Lev and don't mind when I bring him up is nice. But if you read this, please never hesitate to bring him up. Liana does more than anyone else. It's weird but good.
"We can't even go and see him on an airplane because he's dead." And then, my least favorite, "Tell me again what happened to his body."
From the article below:
6). No matter how long it's been, holidays never become easier without my son.
Never, ever. Have you ever wondered why every holiday season is like torture for a bereaved parent?
Don't wonder why or even try to understand. Know you don't have to understand in order to be supportive.
http://abedformyheart.com/blog/7-things-since-loss-of-child/Rebecca
