We are leaving tomorrow to Monteverde. It's the place on this earth that has felt the most like home to me, the fresh air smell somehow soothing. I'm excited and devastated at the same time.
It will be wonderful to share new experiences with Liana and to be so close to Jaal. Seeing them together warms the heart, yet I awaken daily to minor stresses about our departure followed by tears, knowing that in my bag I will travel with some of Lev's ashes instead of with Lev.
I am reminded if traveling from Calgary with his ashes and of these years without him, beginning to understand and become accustomed to the fact that he won't be coming back. At these times of transition I am affronted again by the fact that our life goes on and his does not.
When we returned to Puerto Rico to visit I found it nice and peaceful to be in a place with so many happy memories of life with Jaal and Lev. Tony found it painful. I wonder what Monteverde will bring. There are so many nice memories there. It was a great age for Lev, he was in his glory there.
We have been back since his death and we built a memorial at the school. That trip was painful because it was the first time we saw our Monteverde friends since Lev was gone and we grieved again together, and a time for remembrance. This time we are going with time, not rushed to visit things or people, and we go with Liana to be, to enjoy
Rebecca
