How to explain to family and friends:
Yes. I am thrilled to have Liana. She is wonderful and sweet and happy and fills my heart with joy.
Yes. Jaal is wonderful. He is caring and thoughtful and very present in our lives. He made me the best pancake breakfast today and taught me to appreciate the prairie yesterday.
Yes, my mom is alive and we have a good relationship.
Yes, I realize Mother's Day is a holiday with a lot of hype.
And Yes, my step sister is gone and her kids have no mother.
And Yes, Mother's Day is still an incredibly sad day, full of tears, bitterness, and pain.
That is grief: it is bitter and sweet and it is for life. "This is a life sentence" and while I'm sure I'll get used to it with the years, it is awful and while Jaal and Liana make it much better, Lev is still gone. My best Mother's Day will be in 2010 when I was naive and Jaal, Lev and I went out for an innocently happy brunch in Mount Vernon. And they always made me breakfast in bed, and my heart just held sweetness without the bitterness to balance it out.
As long as Lev is gone, this and all holidays will be bittersweet.
And not bittersweet in a good way like with chocolate, just bitter at times and then sweet at times, more like sauerkraut and jelly, which is an unfortunate combination.
