Sometimes I have a moment of intense clarity, and I truly understand what has happened to us. It is like a thunderbolt of reality. And then boom, there is the clap of thunder, and before I know it I am thinking of something else. When I realize I have "gone sideways", I struggle to get the clarity back, but it is impossible. My brain absolutely refuses to think the thought. It is like staring at the door to a room, trying to get in. I try and yank at the door, and I can feel it open, but it snaps back shut before I can get a look inside. It is an amazingly frustrated experience. You realize that there is not one "person" in your head, but many different people fighting for attention. It is hard to maintain normalcy in the face of this madness.
