Last night a friend showed me a photo on her camera of Rebecca and I. Rebecca was laughing with joy at something, a really beautiful shot. I asked her if it was taken before July. Turns out she had kept the photo on the camera for over a year because she liked it so much. That was a happier time.
They say the loss of a child is hard on a sibling, because they have lost part of their parents as well, the happy part. I now see that I have lost part of Rebecca and she has lost part of me. I deeply miss her joyful spirit, her warm, glowing smile. I hope we can get it back one day.
Don't misunderstand me. I still have happy moments, I still smile and laugh. But it feels so much thinner than before, so fragile. Like there is nothing underneath it. When before it was so deep, a profound contentment. Finding that kind of peace and serenity again is going to be a long journey.
