Breathing in , breathing out made me think of Lev's last breaths in the tent. I was listening to his shallow breaths. I thought he was okay. I was glad he was sleeping but now I realize he might not have been sleeping but in a status seizure.
I remember quite vividly when he stopped breathing, lungs filling with fluid and they started to suction him and made me move seats. The liquid filled his face and eye as he lay on his side and they were very confused and distressed. The rest all happened so fast from then on, so bad and fast.
God I miss him so much. I just want him back. I want to jump worlds to one where he is still with us. It hurts too much, my chest aches where he is not. I feel so helpless that there is nothing I can do to fix it or make it somewhat better. It just all sucks. People go on eating there waffles and bananas but there are none for Lev.
