Lev, tonight I am haunted by you. Nothing is so dark and dismal as death. It tears through the fabric of all that is normal and good. I fear I shall succumb to a paralysis imagined and real, where even words can no longer be uttered.
How can I get through each day, with what I have seen, visions so horrible they burn right through me when I dare to recall them? How can I set aside a lifetime of memories, as if putting a book upon the shelf? I go through the motions like the living do, but I am dead inside, a mere zombie.
I have never wanted more to turn back the hands of time, to somehow change that little something that would avoid your demise. It drives me to distraction now, and later, I fear, to rage. I dare to wonder if insanity is a worthy path, to finally melt away all barriers of reality. But alas that is not for me — I am tied and shackled to the here and now
The days darken. Each swing of the pendulum cuts closer, searing through my defenses and leaving me chilled and drained. I see that soon I will have to face the reality unadulterated, in full force. I fear this event but also welcome it, as the anticipation wears at me. I crave understanding, at all expense
I have lost my beautiful boy, my lovely son. I so deeply long to touch him, to smell him, to hear him. Those simple pleasures are forever lost to me. Can I ever feel joy again, or will I feel your sad absence in all that I do? If being happy means being further from you, do I even want it?
I must find something to drive me, but my heart and mind are overburdened. I walk on, groping and stumbling my way through each long day, hoping that little by little the fog will clear, and a new horizon will open up before me. Until then I must wait, confused and cold in the ashy ruins.
Lev, I love and miss you so much. I don't know how to go on without you. I am so very sorry to leave you behind. Forgive me.
How can I get through each day, with what I have seen, visions so horrible they burn right through me when I dare to recall them? How can I set aside a lifetime of memories, as if putting a book upon the shelf? I go through the motions like the living do, but I am dead inside, a mere zombie.
I have never wanted more to turn back the hands of time, to somehow change that little something that would avoid your demise. It drives me to distraction now, and later, I fear, to rage. I dare to wonder if insanity is a worthy path, to finally melt away all barriers of reality. But alas that is not for me — I am tied and shackled to the here and now
The days darken. Each swing of the pendulum cuts closer, searing through my defenses and leaving me chilled and drained. I see that soon I will have to face the reality unadulterated, in full force. I fear this event but also welcome it, as the anticipation wears at me. I crave understanding, at all expense
I have lost my beautiful boy, my lovely son. I so deeply long to touch him, to smell him, to hear him. Those simple pleasures are forever lost to me. Can I ever feel joy again, or will I feel your sad absence in all that I do? If being happy means being further from you, do I even want it?
I must find something to drive me, but my heart and mind are overburdened. I walk on, groping and stumbling my way through each long day, hoping that little by little the fog will clear, and a new horizon will open up before me. Until then I must wait, confused and cold in the ashy ruins.
Lev, I love and miss you so much. I don't know how to go on without you. I am so very sorry to leave you behind. Forgive me.
